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 Why I've never really been a virgin: Life keeps screwing me over.

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MandaNoel07
The Saucy Manager
The Saucy Manager
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Female Pisces Snake
Posts : 878
Join date : 2009-04-30
Age : 28
Location : The backroad sticks of Appalachia

20100817
PostWhy I've never really been a virgin: Life keeps screwing me over.

For reference, I am a virgin. I'm just really... hurt right now. Hurt? Well, maybe that's not the best choice of words. I don't really know how to describe this feeling. Let down? Disappointed? Outraged? Overwhelmed? It's a bit of all these things.

As most of you know, Paul and I have been dating for well over a year. We've talked on the phone, webcam, and even had dates like this, because... well, he lives on the other side of the country. We met on theOtaku, ironically. Considering we both rarely get on there anymore. But one good thing did come from that site. I met him, and I love him. I love his laugh, the way he picks at me. I love the way he infuriates me. I love the way he makes me feel. He makes me feel loved, completely and unconditionally, but as I mentioned before we have a problem with distance. We've yet to be able to spend time together in person. I don't have the money for it, and he doesn't either. So, I've been saving up, but due to some poor judgment on my part, I've lost almost all the money I had saved to go visit him.

I had over 250.00 saved to go see him. I have about 120.00 now, and thanks to my classes springing unexpected expenses my way I'm going to have to use that too. I'd planned to make the trip in October over my fall break. I would miss a couple of classes and go out and spend a week with him. I've been so excited. Then my computer started acting up, and I thought I was going to have to buy a new laptop. Probably still will, but for now this one's holding up. One of the technicians on campus has agreed to look at the computer and see if he could figure out what's wrong with it. That's going to save me a lot of money. However, my first day of class today proved that I couldn't make the trip.

As an English/Education major it is my responsibility to make classroom observations. This semester I have to make 30 hours of classroom observation. This seems like fun, however, they've given us a specific time frame that this must be completed in. Which, just so happens to be in the month of October. I'll have to walk a mile a day to a school (because I don't have a car on campus) to make observations throughout that month. I've been completely overwhelmed since this morning. I feel like I have too much to do this semester and not enough time to do it. I don't understand a lot of the things that they're asking me to do, and they wanted me to register for more classes this morning. There was no way I could do that. It's too expensive and it's too much on me at once. This is breaking me. I'm seriously considering becoming purely an English major. It's expensive too, but not nearly as complicated. There is just so much fine printing to this education department that I feel that I feel exhausted even thinking of it.

I'm at a crossroads. I can wait to see Paul, I suppose. My education is supposed to come first. But emotionally, it doesn't. Emotionally, I want to be right there with him. I don't want to be here doing all this. I'm miserable with him being on the other side of the continent. I love him. And, if you're like my parents, you may be thinking, "how can you love someone you've never met"? Love doesn't have to follow rules. It's indefinite and complicated. If Romeo can love Juliet, why can't I love whom I love? Life, however, plays games with us, and so we have to make the best of what we have. I've spent the afternoon crying and upset, but there's nothing I can really do about it. To love and be loved in return is the greatest happiness this world can offer. I suppose I shall have to suffice with that while I make my way through this.

_________________
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. ---Mark Twain
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