I just realised I'm not completely over a friends death. I thought I was over it. I thought I could let it go, but I was wrong. When watching a movie review I was reminded of my friend. I started crying before I even noticed I had. I talked to someone for a while, and I feel better. I still hurt inside. I didn't realise how much it still hurt.
I close my eyes sometimes and I can still see him. Im so afraid Ill forget him. Those beautiful eyes that could pierce through you and carefree nature. He was such a good friend and person. I grew up with him. Seems unfair to have someone so good taken away. Yet, we all experience it. The thrills of life and death, they are hard to cope with. Eventually we move on, but the people that have gone remain with us. This is what another friend said, "Life is a gift even if sorrow happens. Its a terrible thing to waste. What has passed is and can never be changed. Sometimes, things happen for reasons, we may not understand." He's right. I dont know the reason why, and I may never know, but it has happened. It is my job to live now, and honor his memory. He would want me to be happy.
I feel a bit more at ease now that I have said this. It was harder to admit than I would have thought, but I did and I feel better now. Life is complicated. We just have to deal with it day by day and heartache by heartache. It seems cruel, but it's how we must live.